When I come across an old man in a restaurant, I’m in a bad place in my life. Sitting and looking out at the world, and running through my troubles in my mind, Jim interrupts me with an enquiry after my wellbeing as I seem very troubled. We proceed to have the strangest conversation that changed my attitude to my troubles.

When I explained my empty feeling and feeling like I just exist. Here I am, in my mid forties with a few (too many) failed businesses behind me, and the number of years left in my life dwindling before my very eyes. I have become increasingly aware of my mortality and I don’t like it. Jim reminds me that my years remaining number was always dwindling, it’s just now I’m more conscious of it. Failing businesses are two a penny, and happen every minute throughout the world. What makes me so special that mine should be feted, he asks?

I look back at my life and it doesn’t make easy viewing. My early school years were unhappy, and isolated; my secondary schooling was great fun, as were my college years. Both my secondary and college days had one thing in common, which was my bone idleness. Books and study were never my friends and I sailed through without achieving the grades. To which Jim replies that education isn’t where we learn anything but rules and useless information. He asks me to recall any tool learned in school that I use in everyday life. Maths? Jim smiles, and brings out his smart phone.

My twenties, I spent partying and chasing girls. No girls were safe, and I chased them all, including attached ones. Later in this decade, I settled down somewhat and got married and had a family. Four kids, two of each with my first daughter having special needs. My thirties I found myself unemployed and failing at business attempts. No benefits for me as I’m an unemployed “entrepreneur”. My wife has lost interest in carnal relations, and I feel stressed and strained by the rigours of daily life. No day passes without some trial of some description. My wife says I’ve lost my fun factor, and doesn’t recognise me from the man she married 20 years ago. Jim dismisses my love of females as a normality for any red blooded male. The majority of males like females, what’s the problem. “You scored lots of women, good for you” and again I have no reply. Jim continues that partying are another life lesson everyone has to learn. “If we didn’t party, how would we know we were enjoying life?”

Jim also explains how life’s trials were a sign of busyness. Which would I prefer: lying idle or trying to solve problems? When I reply that I’d like a few more things to go right, Jim replies that I wasn’t counting the wins just lamenting the losses. Life will throw up constant problems, no-one coasts through life. When I ventured to disagree he asked me to show him a constantly happy person. With every name, he shakes his head and asks how I know. “Not only is the grass not always greener, it’s not your grass”.

A busy life takes the fun out of life and relationships. But make time, and remember that life won’t always be busy. When kids grow up and don’t need constant help, what will you do then? I replied that our special needs daughter will always need care and attention, He scolds me that we all need care and attention and don’t always give back what a child with special needs does. To differentiate is to discriminate. You can be glad that you are able to care for your child. Not every person can care for a child with special needs. It’s not a vocation, but it’s not easy, so give yourself a little credit for it.

So here I am; tired, lonely, washed up and on the brink of my end days. What do I have to offer to anyone? No skills, redundancies, aged and generally useless. How can I operate a successful business when I don’t have a clue as to what I’m doing? I am doggedly sticking to my current “cert” as I’m trying to convince the outside world that it won’t fail. Yet, I remain unconvinced. With each passing day and it hasn’t taken off kills me inside. I mean how many times can I take failure?

All of this makes Jim laugh out loud. “You and millions with you!” What end days? Had God phoned me to tell me the date of my death? Life is what happens between the start and finish, there isn’t a half-time. No analysis from experts or input it from people who lived your life. No one has a clue what they’re doing when running a business at the start. If you don’t know something; ask an expert or someone you trust. At this point I realise that I’m failing because I never ask for help and never seek an experts input. Failure, Jim says, is a directional arrow screaming “don’t do this again”, and should be a learning curve if not for me, for someone who attempts the same venture.

I’m looking at my watch, and realizing that I have to begin the school collections. Jim tells me to go easy on myself, as I’m doing ok. I’m just not stopping to appreciate what I’ve done. I’m too busy chasing what I haven’t done. Life will not come easy, and anything worthwhile will take time, sweat and tears. I’m thanking him for listening and advising when he says that I could do what we’ve just done with my wife if only I’d slow down and let her in. Romance isn’t all dates and gifts, it’s communication. I ask how he got so wise, and he laughs. “Do you think I got a train to old age?! I lived life, made mistakes and got on with it. I had nothing at the start, and I’ll have nothing at the end. Plus I don’t have room for the bad stuff I’ve picked up along the way.” I take his number and promise to be in touch. We bid farewell and I’m feeling a little lighter. Maybe the next thing will go right, but if it doesn’t I will try to recognize the effort put in. I’d get a gold star in that alone!